Agonist

As I suspected. No peace. And never the comfort of secure confidence that I am ever doing the right thing. My mother offered the following wisdom: "You know, it's always easier to make these decisions when you have a partner to share the burden." I wanted to plunge my head into the food processor. But of course, the container is too small. I would only have ended up tangling my hair.

Last night was no good. I make no predictions for tonight.

I am trying not to worship sentiment or to look back at calendars past. I am trying to live this December 6 as if there has never been another December 6 before it. I hope that all the days will begin to take on that blank character.

If you are someone who has failed me or wounded me or handed me a box of tears for Christmas, you are in good company today.

And if you handed me a box of tears for Christmas when I specifically requested Nuts and Chews, you should be required to celebrate your Christmas in a closet with the lights off.