"If you've been hurt by ANYTHING, call now."

There's a law office whose television advertisement makes this call to action, and it amuses me. In my imaginary version, a list of possible injuries begins scrolling up from the bottom of the frame, the way they do it in commercials for getting a degree at home or for any number of horrible pop music compilations. Car Accident...Fall...Act of God...Relationship...Food Choice...Social Faux Pas...Irony...

I wonder how much money they could get me from the pain I suffer every time my mother and I have one of THOSE discussions.