"You would have been fly..."

I had a talk with my mom the other night when she was up visiting. Apparently, she and Sarah had talked about how different my life would have been if I had been more beautiful in school. Or if I had had the confidence that comes with beauty. I wondered if there was much creedence to that. I wondered if I wouldn't have been as nice to so many people if I had thought I was out of their league. It's true that I got trampled a lot throughout my life. Still do, in some cases. That I have been misused and taken advantage of and poorly cared for. I do wonder if there would have been a way to keep that from having been my story. I wonder a lot about the dynamics of change and the possibility of truly reinventing oneself. I wonder why I carry a torch for the old me. But I suppose someone has to.