Secret Pop

Jan 6, 2003

MGM Parade

The wind is howling. It sounds exactly like that part of The Wizard of Oz score when all the female voices simulate the sound of the tornado in the ouverture and as Dorothy gets a load of Munchkinland. It's a corny sort of onomatopoiea: the wind goes, "Woooooo." Stupid.

Also, I got Kermit the Frog-tographer from Macy's just before Christmas, and I love him. He's very well-made and nifty. I've left him in the big plastic bag he came in, because I don't want him to get soiled. But it looks sort of morbid. With his mouth wide open the way Muppets do. As if he got put in that bag and then suffocated there. The death mask of a frog. I should take him out. And drop him in quicksand. No, really. I should take him out. And suspend him in a fishtank.

Cruel humor comes easily at this hour, it seems.

Turner Classic Movies is playing what they're calling the MGM Parade (see above), and they're on this short about how to carve a turkey. I find it impossibly amusing. This poor guy is botching the job of carving a turkey. "Grrr. Is he inside a big dilemma!" the narrator cries and makes some remark about how the guy's wife's family isn't being so very supportive. Then begins the carving lesson. And when the white meat begins to give way, the narrator utters such gems as, "Mm, mm. Life doesn't seem so bad after all," and "Yow-wee. Are my gastric juices effervescing!" and "I'm sorry, dear patrons, but THIS is my piece." Does it get any better than this? I submit that it does not.

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