Secret Pop

Jul 23, 2002

Sit tight. I'm making something.

I loved tonight. It was beautiful and perfect and temperate. I am happy for hot tubs and the company of people I adore and the winding down period at the end of it all. I can even tolerate the inadvertent splashing. I had a nice big towel with me for after.

There was a moment today when I realized I was rapt with enthusiasm about the days ahead -- burdensome as my expectations of myself may be. I realized I was looking forward to striking out into the yonder of unnamed color. It's true, I always wear my seatbelt. And it's true, I am not happy when I have to stick my hand into the garbage disposer. But I feel the future and all its risky provocation bearing down on me. I want to give in to it. I want to give it a name. I want to give it hell.

Intractable fear. I defy it.

I'm working on something new. It's just an iteration of an idea I keep having. Maybe it will be something. If not, it will at least keep me busy for a while. I'm going to be good at something this year. I insist upon it. I keep trying things that make me chuckle. The sad, sorry chuckle of the inept. But I'll figure it out. I'll get it. I'll make mountains out of molehills and cookies out of cake. And no one will thank me for it, because that's not a recipe anyone wants.

Remember when McDonald's Happy Meals would come in little cartons that you could assemble into buildings that were part of a "collect them all" town? I don't remember ever having a whole town. I just remember having a train depot and a sheriff's station, both smelling strongly of french fries and cheeseburgers.

We also had those Dixie riddle cups when I was a child. I am adamant in telling you that I never learned a thing from those stupid cups.

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