Secret Pop

May 14, 2003

Is this mirror unflattering, or is reality too unbearable to be believed?

It's just beginning, but a birthday is afoot. And, if you must know, it's mine. I was delighted to celebrate early with more friends than I expected. I even got giftage! And several particularly canny folk noted the turning of the calendar at midnight and bid me my propers right then. I had no idea it was so late, but it wasn't dismaying when I realized it. The day was so full that it had every right to be over.

I am always a little taken aback when people remember me and are thoughtful. There's a child in me who doesn't know if she deserves it. But I once played Pin the Tail on the Donkey at a birthday party when I was still in kindergarten, and I was the birthday girl that day, and my mom made sure I won. If only we had been in Vegas and the paper cutout of a donkey had been a roulette wheel.

The night is bitter
The stars have lost their glitter
The winds grow colder
Suddenly you're older

How I love the melancholy strains of the wayward chanteuse.

I am an idealist. A romantic. And not in that charming naive way. But rather in that naive naive way. I am a fool.

But I made myself a mix CD last night, and I played it in the car early this morning while I was driving, and I was pleased. And I went shopping and bought outfits that will dress me in future fantasy days. I like aspiring to tomorrow or the day after. It reminds me that I am moving forward. Even if I occasionally get caught facing the wrong direction.

I don't fear getting older. But getting wiser could be disastrous.

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