I smiled till my face hurt.

Sweet little holiday get-together at Zach's (does he spell it with an h or a k?), followed by Van Stone, Aspects of Physics, and Pinback at the El Rey. And then the longsuffering breakfast of the after-hours at Swingers.

Van Stone's front man is that guy Dave Sheridan, who played the mullet-headed, nunchaku-wielding convenience store loiterer in Ghost World. It's a novelty act, but the charisma alone has limitless appeal. How does that guy find time to stay so tan?

I have to admit, I didn't pay a great deal of attention to Aspects of Physics. Drinks were being spilled on the merch table, and I was distracted. But Pinback made me feel a swell of joy, even if it wasn't their most stirring set. I was stirred plenty. And glad to be.

Maybe today was a turning point. The first time in a long while I have felt beautiful and alive. The first time in ages that I have felt anything at all. I am catching myself looking forward. And shaking my head that it might have taken me so long to learn such a simple lesson. Even my mother knows the sinful trap of always looking back. Regret is a cancer. And it accomplishes nothing. What is past is written on paper. Tear the pages out and throw them in the dustbin. Then set the dustbin on fire and write something new. If it doesn't breathe and pulsate and need nurturing and appreciate the nurturing for nurturing's sake, it isn't worth living for. The only thing that matters is giving and what gives back.

I have party dresses picked out. Some of them I never thought I'd wear. It's something I don't mind being wrong about.