Secret Pop

Feb 2, 2003

"I cross over borders, but I'm still there now."

A glimpse of what I took.

Reunions make for tired homecomings.
The pressure was on.
Control is nothing like welcoming.
That song is perfect.
Pineapple is my favorite fruit.

I feel small inside. And locked out. When did overdoing it become my thing? There are songs that will always mean something to me. And yet, it surprises me how their meaning changes. It is one of many methods I use to keep track of my growth. A measuring stick and pencil strokes where I try to stand my tallest. A metaphor for change and the capacity for it. There are things that strike me -- ripple my pond. They are like self-contained bits of time and space and sentiment. I always pretend -- or assume -- that you cannot fall into these pockets alone. When you fall, someone is there with you. When a melody transports you, when a lyric brings you back, it is a shared experience. If you dreamed all of a sudden of something that once meant something to only you and me, that was a special tenet of quantum theory at work. Time and space are only there to keep your heart from exploding. They are meant to mete out experience and response and emotion. If the moments were not required to end, surely the pain of it or the joy of it would be too much to bear.

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