Secret Pop

Nov 11, 2002

The Great Pre-Dawn Paradox

Working so late fills me with a full measure of both satisfaction and revulsion. Especially knowing that I will retire soon to my bed, where I will read until the sun comes up and then fall prey to the sort of dreams that underscore the reasons for my sleeping so little and so seldom.

I felt sad today. Sad and suspicious. Sure of the distance. Threatened by it. Angry over it. Envious of what evades me and seems to come so easily to everyone else. Curious whether all it takes is settling for what you happen upon.

I never even give myself a chance to be wonderful.

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