You think you only know me when you turn on the light, now the room is lit with danger.

Thursday night, I went to the UCB to see the Doug Benson Interruption with my favorite Boris, Boris Hamilton. We stopped by Birds before the show, and I left my tab open, because it was so crowded I couldn't get the bartender's attention with any efficiency and the show was about to start. We went back to Birds after the show to collect my card, and there was a tipsy and jovial Asian guy sitting at the bar who immediately wanted to make friends. He extended a hand without first offering a hello or a name. I shook his hand. And he said, "You're so beautiful." He said these words to my boobs. There was no mistaking that. I excused it at first. He was drunk. Maybe he was not making eye contact with me because he was shy. Or drunk. He started reading the slogan on my shirt and said that my shirt must have been given to me by Tom Hanks. I don't have any idea why that would be. A few seconds later, another young lady found herself standing near this same fellow and within earshot of me, and I heard him take up with her right away. He said she looked like someone. She said, "I get Amanda Peet a lot." And he said, "No, you look like someone in a Tom Hanks movie." I guess that's his entire rap. Finding ways to compliment women and also work in mentions of Tom Hanks. The suspicious consumer in me wonders if this is a guerilla marketing tactic I've not yet heard about. Plant boozers in local watering holes and have them mention celebrities for no good reason. I guess Tom Hanks has got his publicity staff working overtime. With his big Mona Lisa movie coming out this summer, I don't think he really needs the upkeep. That money would be better spent by Ted Danson's people, if you ask me.