Secret Pop

Sep 3, 2004

I see that face coming back to me like an old familiar song.

There are lessons to be learned from The Muppets Take Manhattan. Please enjoy this litany of them.

Stories about two kids who go off to the city to get married are not totally played out at this point.

Interspecies dating has been sanctioned since the '60s, but by 1984, full on frog-pig marriage was totally the social norm. I realize they weren't a GAY frog and a GAY pig, but I'm sure my point is still effectively driven home here.

Everyone prefers the rubber Wall Street Journal to the rubber Washington Post. Everyone.

If a pig can get a job at a department store and a frog can get a job at an ad agency, what's your little brother's excuse?

Construction workers will make love to anyone. Anyone.

I would take a meeting with a frog with an afro.

Wouldn't it be rad if dogs could talk?

Pigs CAN suck their thumbs.

Joan Rivers was never funny.

"Boffo, Lenny! Socko, Lenny!" is one of my all-time favorite exclamations.

Lonny Price went from The Muppets Take Manhattan to Dirty Dancing to Hot to Trot. Talk about the dictionary definition of trifecta!

Even frogs get nervous when marriage is the topic.

Puppets can make you cry. And you don't have to be a big gayrod like me, either.

I used to say I wanted to sing that wedding song at my own wedding one day. I am slightly less gay right now. And I no longer know how to fly. Goodbye, childhood, my old friend. La la la la la la la la. It's time for saying goodbye.

Those Muppets have been through so much together. They have weathered jewel heists and murder plots and the Big Apple and the briny seas and Charles Durning and the '80s, and they're still thick as thieves. I wish they weren't doing Denny's commercials, but in all other respects, I adore them.

Friendship is the finest ship in the world.

What better way could anything end, hand in hand with a friend. There's no arguing that.

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